deucebasket:

whats the deal with old grandmas who get offended by the word penis but have like 11 kids

(via ineedsanitybeforeitstoolate)

alluringhowell:

I’M LITERALLY A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE ONLINE OKAY I STILL KNOW YOU EXIST AND I STILL LOVE YOU I JUST AM A PIECE OF SHIT OKAY

(Source: connor-frantas, via ineedsanitybeforeitstoolate)

iwritesinsnotfanfiction:

burns every piece of evidence that shows i lived before the age of 14

(via quackifyouseetree)

“ Homosexuality is present in about 1,500 species. Homophobia is only present in 1 species. Which one sounds unnatural now?

laughinqftw:

My parents believe that I’m the only teenager that: is lazy, stays up late, has a messy room, lives on their laptop & is constantly texting.

(via int0-the-flame)

If My Dog Could Talk
Dog: WAT DOING
Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
Dog: WHERE GO
Me: I'm literally walking 3 feet away. I'm not even leaving the room.
Dog: CAN I COME
Me: I mean sure but I'm literally just-
Dog: I COME TOO
Dog: WAT DOING
Me: I need to open this door.
Dog: I HALP
Me: No but you're in front of the door. Move please.
Dog: I HALP
Me: Sigh.
Dog: WHERE GOING
Me: I am going right back to the exact place I was sitting a second ago.
Dog: CAN I COME
Me: Sure.
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Me: No please don't you are-
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Me: No there's no room and-
Dog: LAP
Me: No, sit on the floor and I'll pet you.
Dog: RIGHT HERE
Me: That's literally on top of my leg.
Dog: IT'S PERFECT PET ME
Me: I am petting you. One second, let me just grab my glass-
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
Me: I literally am petting you, I just needed a drink-
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
Me: I AM
Dog: I SIT IN LAP
Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME
Dog: HOLD SLOBBER TOY
Dog: SNEEZE IN UR FACE
Me: .......